There are so many blogs, articles and advice columns teaching us how to say the healthy no. This no is the one that helps alleviate stress, being overwhelmed or being used. No’s such as… saying no to taking on that extra project at work or saying no when your gut is telling you this request or favor isn’t right and shouldn’t be your problem to deal with.

I completely agree that the healthy no is important to implement in your life to create boundaries and space when stress abounds and others see you as an easy target.

I want to talk about the unhealthy no.

The unhealthy no is the one that gives you an out when you really should be saying yes.

The no that you say when you’re invited to a get together but know you won’t know anyone. The no when you get invited to lunch by a coworker friend but you “have so much work to do”. The no you’re immediately used to saying because it’s the one that protects you from being uncomfortable or anxious.

I fully understand there are times when you must say no to take care of yourself, but I feel there are no’s that just keep us from pushing ourselves outside of our comfort, outside of the status quo.

I have been there. I have said no when I should have said yes. I have not taken opportunities to meet new people, see old friends or try something new because I was anxious about all of the unknowns.

The impulsive no seems right at the moment you say it, then you walk away and regret starts to creep in. Should I have gone? Should I have taken them up on their offer? Should I go out rather than sit in front of the TV all night?

This is a battle that I fight even now as, and possibly even more so because, I am working on choosing the “possibility” life rather than the “comfort zone” life.

I do not want to be that person who says no to something because it’s uncomfortable or scary or unknown. I want to be open to new experiences, new adventures and new people.

As this week begins, let us take a pause before we allow the impulsive no to be spoken. Think about if it is a healthy no or an unhealthy no.

Say no when it creates healthy space for you. Say yes when you need to stretch past your comfortable routine and the yes brings promise of new adventures.