“That evening, when I was at my lowest, confounded by obstacles, bewildered by the darkness that surrounded us, unable even to continue preaching, I discovered an astonishing truth:
God is attracted to weakness.
He can’t resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need him. Our weakness, in fact, makes room for his power.”
— Jim Cymbala from Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire
My weakness is made strong in Him.
I have been on the path called Status Quo for a while now. The ridiculous busy-ness of life (aka the holiday rush) took over a lot of my energies and mind …and then I just stopped this past week. This “rest stop” was beautiful…it took on the form of a lovely cabin, family bonding, mountain scenes and seeing Santa . Every chance I had, I stepped back and took in my surroundings and breathed …God. I realized I hadn’t done that in a loong time.
Don’t get me wrong, God has been a part of everything I’ve done. Every morning on my way to work, for motivation and focus, I pray that God will help me do my best in my work and show Christ to those I come in contact with…I know God has revealed moments for me to dive into relationship building(even within the 30 or so minutes I have with a family in my portrait sitting). My prayer life has not waivered; I’ve talked with God a lot!
But that’s just it…He’s only been part of things. I’ve felt selfish in my prayers and, when I’ve realized my focus has been on me and try and focus on him, I sadly lose interest. It’s like I’m looking out across what looks like a beautiful meadow, but can’t see more than 5 feet in front of me due to fog. And its more than that…I come to the end of myself, which is quite easy to do, and I have no clue where to go.
How have I gotten to this point when so much of my twentysomething life I’ve been so close and so invigorated with God? I hate how this kind of blah, static feeling can come over me so easily. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that, before I started working at JCP 6 months ago, I worked in a church environment for 4 years. I loved that I was able to be involved and know what was happening every day of the week, but there are always the things that kinda make you jaded. I knew God, and still know confidently, means for me to spend more of my time – my job mainly – in a “secular” environment. Even though I work with very kind and fun people, its not the same as working with friends that you know you can talk about your spiritual life. My other dilemma lately has been how to still be involved at the corps along with needing to work. I’ve not been good at it…I know Corps Cadets has been suffering a bit because my lack of multitasking skills. I’ve been praying about that lately…what do I have to offer the corps and what is it that You want me to?
Obviously weakness is written all over this entry! I’m weak…I bath in my weakness and sometimes sulk in it. But God does not! He finds my weakness attractive. Because what He sees is opportunity and an empty vessel able to be filled with His glory.
I want to see me from His point of view. I’m trying…I want to find myself…attractive.
Thank you Lord for humbling me lately.
Peace and humbleness to you…